Two nights ago, on the 15th of February 7:50 pm during our reunion dinner,
My paternal Great Grandfather was pronounced dead.
Right now, my emotions are like "Rojak".
I suppose I shouldn't be sad for him, he died the way he wanted to,
With his dignity, at home instead of in a hospital and in the company of the people he loves.
But at the same time, I regret.
I regret not knowing him better,
Even though I couldn't possibly do so because of language barriers.
I regret not doing more,
Not making cards for his birthday, not giving him any presents.
And besides the feelings toward those who have moved on to better things,
There's also the feelings that make us uneasy about our fragile lives.
Time really flies by, now i'm 15,
Turning 16 which is already about 1/8th of an average human lifespan.
Just how fast am I going to age and die?
There's also the question of what I'm going to do with my life.
Although I don't have any plans,
The thing I'm the most scared of right now is playing the wrong cards
and ending up stuck in a mindless job that I don't even like.
To me, one of the worst things that can happen to a person
is being unable to realise their dreams.
Tomorrow's the funeral/cremation.
This whole thing is supposed to be a really short affair.
My Great Grandfather didn't want to trouble anyone by having something longer anyway.
After tomorrow, I'd have been to a funeral twice.
One for an unborn baby, the other for an elderly man.
The Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end.
