I quite dislike it at the same time too.
Contradicting eh?
The thing is, everytime we (the class),
Has to separate themselves for group work
Like today's PE lesson where we practiced softball.
I always feel that I'm out of place,
Like I don't belong.
I usually join up with Haziq and Clement, maybe Justin or Nicholas
And whoever else's near my table or where I'm standing.
I don't think I belong to any particular clique,
I'm just a 2nd degree mutual friend of everyone and anyone.
Not really any much closer to anyone than any other person.
I'm definitely sure that it's not the people in the class,
Though annoying at times, they're still rather great people.
It's more like I never really met any one group of people or person that I could really click with,
People who share the same interests,
The same philosophy, the same school of thought,
The same music, the same everything.
Whenever I'm in a group or something similar,
I end up "trying too hard".
Ever seen me laughing oddly, awkwardly, for a long period or at a bad time?
Yep, that's me trying too hard to feel accepted.
It's not like I'm doing it on purpose.
I think I developed this bad habit when I was in primary school.
People from BPPS like Charmaine Soh would probably know what I mean.
Or maybe not.
Anyway, it's a vicious cycle.
Feeling out of place -> Laughing oddly ->
Feeling more out of place -> More laughing oddly.
Feeling more out of place -> More laughing oddly.
So on & so forth.
No matter where, when, why.
It's all the same.
Church, School, Band, Robotics, Z2H Season 4, Z2H Alumni.
I've never really felt like I've belonged anywhere.
And of course this post will probably spontaneously
Cause some Idiot who's reading to go,
"Haha, you suck, no friends and no life. Super weird posts and behavior. Nerd."
(Or something like that, I was never good at insulting people, including myself.)
But honestly, I don't care, at least that's what I'm trying to imply.
If I did I wouldn't have posted this in the first place. Duh.
I'm sad, but there's a reason for it.
And now you know.
Thank you for taking the time to read through my rubbish.
Ignore this post if it has offended you,
I take it back and retract whatever pissed you off.
